well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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