I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sext me about skeletons
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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