I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
