Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
