She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
