i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
