Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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