So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
