she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
