I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
