is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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