ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your penis caused this!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
