Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
