ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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