FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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