She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
