3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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