Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
