last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
