rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
