Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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