I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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