that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
