Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
