Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
