Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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