Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
