I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
