i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
