No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
