The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
worst night to have a conscience
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
