So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
