The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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