I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The adults are the big ones right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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