and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
