I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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