Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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