i just had sex bonerless
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
