So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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