I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
