She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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