Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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