Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
