I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
