A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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