she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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