Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
