question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
