But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
