if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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